"How about two mocha cappuccinos?" David Schwimmer asks me.

Comedy Sketch Idea Number 1

A parody of the song "If I Could Save Time in a Bottle" by who I know to be James Taylor, but the Internet and all of my friends, even the one guy who doesn't have a real job and just temps and can't hold down a relationship because he "wants to get married" and doesn't clean the hair off his toilet and lost me ten thousand dollars in the market cause he had some hot idea to buy silver futures that his dad told him about and where did listening to your dad ever get anyone and besides when I read him this essay he said "it's not up to your usual standards," these people say it's Jim Croce. Whatever.

[Two seats. ARCHIE eating sandwich. His autumn-weight coat is on the other seat.]

Scene 1

GINNIE
(sits) Is that egg salad? I like to boil my eggs. Ten minutes to make them hard. How about you?

Picture of happy family at dinner. 

Large text letters read: Soylent Green Sure It’s People! So What? It’s Not Like You Knew Them! 

And for the end of today's Factor, here are the top five things we don’t want to hear from Democrats and their whining ecotourist, morally bankrupt God and Christmas hating perverts in the new year. 

Verge was an accountant. He'd made a pact with the devil and now he was a certified public accountant. The pact had been simple affair, a little blood, well, a surprising amount of blood actually, some documents to sign and a rain check for a T-shirt that said "I sold my soul to the devil and all I got was this T-shirt."